Conversation yg buat aku berfikir.....

I had lunch with my old fren d other day....time tgh mkn tu, tiba2 die tanye sumthing...soklan mmg power laaa.....

Aisyah : eh Syim, aku dah lame xleh nk bukak blog ko tu..ko block lagi ke?
Aku : Ha'ah...aku block lagi...tp kan aku dah invite ko utk bace??
Aisyah : Aku dah lame xmasuk, pastu die pn dah block aku jugak...
Aku : Tah, tatau aku. nnt aku cek setting die balik
Aisyah : Orang Gila tu ade kacau ko lagi ke x skrg ni?
Aku : Yg last, mase die bace blog aku, and die tau aku dah pregnant, pastu die email
Aisyah : Pastu ade lagi x?
Aku : Tu je la...
Aisyah : Ko ade jumpe die ke x?
Aku : Kire hari2 la enchik...dah satu level kan..pastu die duk depan pantry, cane?
Aisyah : Die ade ckp2 dgn ko x?
Aku : Tak perlu nk ckp dgn aku, bukan 1 team pn dgn aku..tade bende yg nk dickpkan
Aisyah : Haa weh, udah2 la tu ko block blog ko tu...die pn dah ade anak dah...
Aku : So?
Aisyah : So maknenyer, die dah tade nyer nk kacau ko lagi..
Aku : Org Gila kan..u never know...
Aisyah : mmgla..tp aku rasa, dari ko block blog ko tu, org len xleh nk bace, baik ko delete terus blog tu...ko buat diary je cam dulu2...barula betul2 privacy...
Aku : Suka hati aku la....

And that conversation diakhiri dgn aku duk pukul2 Ecah, and kitorg gelak2 bersahaja...

Tapi balik office, aku dah stat pk...aku rasa, she's right at a particular point:

dari aku berblog, better aku tulis diary, lagi private, lagi personal, lagi mcm2 aku leh tulis...and i can say everything inside my mind without perlu tapis apa2...bukan mcm blog ni...ada restriction die. plus nk berblog ni nk kene tunggu internet connection ok, barula leh start typing....tp aku?? nk bukak laptop kat umah pn malas, inikan pulak nk update blog everyday??

and fikiran aku sambung lagi berfikir...aku pk, knp aku berblog in d first place? (i have posted this last year, or in 2008 maybe, i can't recall) but d thing is, is it necessary to have blogs, just to be in synchronization with everybody else?what's wrong with diaries?? (sgt girly maybe?) so apekah bedanya dgn blog2 ini??

pastu aku terpk gak, dgn facebook, friendster, blogs, aku basically share my life with everyone around d world!! dgn gmbr2 yg aku letak kat fb/blog/frenster, sesape je leh tgk, and edit those pics, etc..or they can use my personal info against me...who knows, rite? ok, fb cthnyer, ade security setting..but how secure is their security settings? aku jadi insecure of my own actions pulak skrg neh...

and fikiran aku melayang lagi....ke arah orang gila itu. ok, fine..die dah ade anak skrg, and die satu level dgn aku skrg ni...mmg kehadiran die kat level tu mengganggu sbnrnyer, tp aku sikit pn xpedulikan lelaki gila tu..tp aku tetap akan terus berwaspada...aku tetap akan rasa yg die akan still stalk aku, still ganggu hidup aku..and maybe bcoz aku still xmaafkan dia?? well, looking back at what he did to me, obviously aku xkan maafkan dia...biarlah org nk kata aku kejam ke, ape ke..aku xkesah...yg penting, org len xrasa ape yg aku rasa dulu....

and finally, aku bersyukur sgt sbb aku ada Abi...suamiku...sbb dia yg bagi aku kekuatan utk terus hadapi keadaan tensen suatu masa dulu...and he accepted me as i am...and words cannot describe how much i love him, how much i appreciate everything he did for me, and how grateful i am to be his wife..

so, masa tu, sblm aku balik keje...i made up my mind, this posting, maybe the last posting by me...and i'll go back to my basics, mcm mase sekolah dulu...back to "dear diary" series...mungkin aku akan tulis jugak from time to time, tp aku tetap xkan change the settings just for everyone to read what's inside my mind (that is for Abi only)..

So Bi, looks like i need a new diary.... :)